Anger

I reacted poorly to a client at work today and the situation got me thinking about why I reacted the way I did. I originally didn’t want to discuss this online because it is public and my employer could see it. However, I recanted that decision and hope I don’t regret it.

While helping a customer today, I asked if I could put them on hold while I checked something on my end. Before I put the caller on hold, I heard her whisper to a co-worker that she couldn’t understand me. As a child, I had a lot of problems projecting my voice. I was even seeing a speech therapist at one point. I have improved, but to this day I do often hear that I talk fast and that my words can come out jumbled. I think it is my long history of struggling to be understood that makes me very sensitive to criticism of my volume or diction when I speak. I hate being told to repeat myself, to speak slower or to speak up. I think this insecurity was what led me to immediately call the client out on not letting me know directly that she couldn’t hear me. I criticized her for whispering to a colleague instead of letting me know and once the call was over I felt terrible for doing so. I could tell that the client was genuinely taken aback and didn’t mean to be rude with her comment.

Thinking of the experience got me thinking of a poem I wrote for my wmoviegrapevine Instagram. I don’t mean to post this as self-promotion or as a lazy repost. I feel like the words truly summed up what happened today, and it makes me think of what I need to do to become a happier, less insecure person.

******

I could feel it coming again,

Crashing through my body and slowly taking over my brain,

It contained all the worst things in me,

Bitterness, envy, insecurity,

It built up slowly and now it would come crashing out,

My body was the dam,

It needed to break me to break free

 

 

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